“Nothing’s impossible in the dark and the quiet. If I’ve learned anything from life as a manic-depressive, it’s that things never stay the same for very long. The cruelest curse of the disease is also its most sacred promise: You will not feel this way forever.”—Manic: A Memoir by Terri Cheney
accidentally just made myself cry in the shower while listening to bon iver and thinking about my body and how i am tired and how i worked 17 hours yesterday and i didn’t even really mind at all because that girl deserved to be fired and it’s my job as both a nurse and supervisor to step in and do damage control. that man has no family and no one to love him. and i helped him take a shower for the first time in 5 days…even though he has 24 hour care so aides are always there. neglect isn’t a good look. i’ve known for a long time that it’s impossible to save the world, but i always insist on learning things the hard way. i hope for the best more often than not. and have recently decided that i should have probably chosen a less emotional profession…even though i can’t see myself doing anything else.
taking better care of everyone else but myself since 1987.
“Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong, and it makes you feel so small because it’s so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn’t come back. You’re left so alone that you can’t explain.”